Joy (cithra) wrote,

  • Mood:

yesterday good; today less so

Yesterday was a really great day. I got to see part of the lunar eclipse, before the clouds and exhaustion closed in. Going out to see Tron: Legacy with the group was great fun, as was dinner at Bamboo Garden with the sub-group afterwards. Earlier in the day I managed to walk around Greenlake, complete several errands (with the help of faintheart in the driver's seat), and generally feel accomplished.

However, somewhere in all the to-ing and fro-ing I must have had a wrinkle in my sock, or my walking shoes have developed a fault, because I am now sporting a 1cm by 2cm blister on the side of my foot. It's fairly deep under a calloused area, and walking/standing is uncomfortable. Thus I'm going to forgo my hoping-to-make-daily goal of walking around the lake, in spite of the tempting sunny weather. This is irksome, and bolstered by a number of other minor annoyances such as forgetting to buy coffee filters, forgetting I no longer share a kitchen equipped with a rolling pin (an item I generally have an urge to use or a use for about once a decade, so this is forgivable, yet still annoying), and even now forgetting the third item on my little iteration of irritations. But that makes a new third item, so there you go. This week, the role of Monday is being played by Tuesday, to rave reviews.

The old third item is actually sort of meta, now that I've remembered it. I'm mildly superstitious about starting the year off right, and for me the Winter Solstice is the new year. So ideally I'd like today to go smoothly, as a presentiment for - with hope - a smooth year to come. Nine million little anxiety-inducing hiccups seem to bode ill. However, if there is a lesson it is probably that things will continue to be business-as-usual (not horrible, not great, just the middle of my middling-and-utterly-normal life) and so I need to cope and move on, deal with the irritations, and stop trying to be perfect for the rest of forever from this moment on. That, for me, is the curse of the notion "today is the first day of the rest of your life" - the pressure of perfectionism never goes away, while the frustration of getting it wrong over and over again piles up in the past. That's the real reason (or one of them) I am trying to see failure - or lack of success - as simply more data, as information that is useful because knowing where the solution is not can help triangulate where the solution is. Figure and ground - you can learn a lot about them from each other.

I'm looking for something. I still don't know what it is, but I certainly have accumulated an amazingly large fund of information about what it is NOT. Maybe someday I can count that as a species of success.
Tags: angst, health, mental health, thoughts, walking

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