Joy (cithra) wrote,

subtle things

People are wearing purple today in support of LGBT/queer youth & against bullying, and I thought that when I went out this afternoon I'd wear something purple myself. Having been both queer and bullied, I don't know so much that it gets better, but it does at least get different - it is survivable, and it is possible to find people who love you in the world. Also, nothing riles the hateful, spiteful, nasty people more than ignoring them and going on with yourself, and especially thriving. So, purple today, as a tiny way of reaching out.

Except I seem not to have any purple clothes at the moment.

I know I have some packed away, nicer things I haven't worn in a while. But when I consider my day to day wardrobe, while I wasn't paying attention it has all gone camouflage... neutrals, khakis, grey, olive, black. Some blue - but all mild, natural blues - some white, plenty of green. But even the greens are more greyish than grass. I have a couple of red items, but one is plaid.

Plus, when I imagine it, I find the idea of wearing something bright, like purple, has some nervousness attached. I definitely am gravitating mentally toward the hushed and easily hid.

This feels like it is attached to my depression, when I think about it. Even though I think of myself as someone who wears colors, my laundry basket says otherwise at the moment. It snuck up on me...

Interesting. I'll have to see what I can do about it.
Tags: angst, health, mental health, misc, thoughts

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