Joy (cithra) wrote,

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origami Joy

I can sit cross-legged in my computer chair.


I am inordinately pleased by this.

Probably because it's one of those things I watched people do all my life and never could. Now I can.

I'm sure this sort of realization probably seems absurd to some. As though a three-year-old were given the facility to write. 'Look, I have feet!' But body awareness has never been a strong point for me, so now I practice turning my eye for details upon myself. I'm still getting used to being able to perceive the scaffolding under my skin - and to how my skin itself behaves differently now, not having a heavy layer of padding between it and the substructure of muscle and bone. Back when I was studying anatomy I remember driving my partner of the time bugfuck-crazy picking out visible landmarks on him - finding them on my own body was impossible, and I felt like my interior must simply be solid, like one of those Stretch Armstrong dolls. I'd never broken any bones - was I sure I even had any? Cross plenty of science fiction with a healthy dose of alienation and who knows? Maybe I was an evil slug-creature in disguise.

Now I keep running into my hipbones and wondering what they are. I apparently have ribs, and all three parts of my sternum are present and accountable for. I can forego writing sonnets to my eyebrows and rhapsodize instead about my collarbones - ah!

I'm half laughing at myself and half serious. Eh, yah - about par for the course.

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