April 22nd, 2006
|05:31 am - out of the comments, into the dawn|
I got my official rejection letter from Clarion West yesterday afternoon. I think next year I will stay off the forums, as reading them at times made it nail-bitingly tense as people who'd gotten acceptances sounded off. There are only the eighteen available slots; as the congratulations fly back and forth the rest of us are busily counting with one eye cocked toward the ceiling while the seats fill up.
On the other hand, being on the forums and having an ear to the ground regarding timing made it less of a blow when the rejection did arrive: I was 97% certain by Wednesday I hadn't made the cut, so the letter was merely ratification of what I already knew.
I have found the mathematics of bulletin boards being somewhat like that of rats: for every one poster you see, there are 5-7 lurkers and roughly the same number of people involved who don't even frequent the venue. Thus by the time eight class members have piped up or been accounted for on the forum, the other ten probably know who they are; the rest of the applicant pool are either wait-listed or declined.
As I said there, I came from a graduating class with four valedictorians, where my 3.89 GPA earned me the standing of fifteenth. That same GPA, had I graduated a year earlier, would have easily given me the top honors. I'm used to being an also-ran in a field of virulent over-achievers; it is still disappointing, but I have come to see it as a matter of timing - or say, finding the proper sized pond - than anything personal.
Which is a good thing, considering the fleet of personal issues usually pursuing me.
Sooooo... why don't they send all the rejection letters at the same time? [sarcasm] Is there an "ooh, you almost made it" letter vs. a "quit bothering us" letter? Are you supposed to feel honored that you didn't get your rejection letter until some people were already accepting slots? Ah, that's it, you were first alternate so they waited until the last minute. [/sarcasm]
I sorry you didn't make it and annoyed that your emotions were toyed with.
Note: If you really were an alternate, they could have noted it in the letter. But I doubt they do that.
|Date:||April 25th, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)|| |
On being rejected from Clarion.
Every rejection is one step closer to not being rejected.
Or at least, that's what Paul tells me...and what I try to tell myself, though I'm not sure I believe it.
Actually, I had a fairly important breakthrough the last time I got my novel back...it was this:
I have been laboring under the misapprehension that, someday, I would build up a sort of emotional callous to the experience of being rejected. That I would just have to suffer through it a certain number of horrific times, and then the pain would go away.
But last time, I was in one of those quasi-suicidal spaces, where I was grinding my teeth and saying, but what if it NEVER goes away, how can I cope?.
Then I realized...of course, it is never going to go away. Why did I ever think it would? I have to dive into that pool EXPECTING it to be full of razor blades every single time. The catch is that I have to dive anyway. But there's no magical place in the future to look forward to where there are no blades, or my skin is blade-proof.
Anyway, bleak as it sounds, this cheered me up immensely. I reserve the right to be an absolute bitch, and mope obnoxiously every time I am rejected from something.
I -- WILL -- MOPE!
I thought you might understand.