Joy (cithra) wrote,

foibles of my heart

or, next in the Catching Up series, the dating meme.

While I've been on dates, the time elapsed between incidents has been such that I hesitate to call it "dating" as such. Therefore, to issue a guide on dating me that has nothing to do with carbon-14 or the hunt for duplicate birth certificates seems disingenuous. I have, on the other hand, distinguished a fairly strong pattern among the people I find myself attracted to, and will therefore hijack aforesaid meme to elucidate same.

I am attracted to people who:

  1. are intelligent. This is, I've discovered, the main thing. It certainly explains why I never developed any teenage crushes on celebrated media stars. There is nothing more intoxicating than someone who gets it. Science is sexy.

  2. have compassion. Looked at from one angle, I suffer from an overabundance of compassion, and we're never going to get along at the depth of relationship I want from a partner if you are ill-acquainted with this quality.

  3. pay attention. Not necessarily to me, though that is always flattering. To something - people who are capable of focusing their interest, apprehending details, figuring out the point, if there is one. Be intellectually curious.

  4. are capable of subtlety. In humor, especially. Recognize a nuance before it flies overhead. Be aware of the relative importance of details.

  5. have a broad range of interests. This is two-fold. First, I'm interested in lots of things, so if you are too, that's twice as much stuff to explore together. Second, someone with a number of interests is less likely to get bent out of shape when I continue to pursue things they don't share an interest in after we are together. Bonus points if you lean toward science and the arts, but really what is key here is recognizing that as close as we may grow to each other, one person isn't capable of being another's be-all and end-all.

...and for some reason, are younger than me. This one I don't get, it has simply been statistically preponderant. I suspect if anything it may have something to do with being my born on the cusp of women's liberation, such that people younger than me are less likely to be enamored of strict sex and gender roles in life or a relationship.

You may have noticed a couple of references to depth of relationship. I'm one of those backwards, introvert people - as such, I don't do well at flings. I'm curious enough that if approached, I'll at least think about it, certainly. So far, it's never worked out well, for whatever reason. But if I'm approaching you with news of my feelings, I've got something longer term in mind. If for no other reason than I've probably be wrestling with my feelings themselves for a while, so I'm aware that they evince some persistence.

Concomitantly, by the time I know you well enough to have decided you are worth the energy required to develop an intimate relationship with, we have probably been acquainted for some while. Ironically, this takes me well beyond the "past pull date" of being 'relationship material' with some people. As frustrating as that can be, for the most part I guess it's just as well, as other incompatibilities seem to tend to travel bundled with that attitude.

I think, looking at the above, it becomes fairly obvious why I consider my pool of potential partners to be rather rarefied.

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