if anyone was watching, that's how it goes usually. The process of hammering out a poem - try something, see how it feels, try something else, see how it feels, etc. change-refresh, change-refresh, change-refresh. It isn't always "start with a paragraph and whittle", but this one was.
By the way, I take the comments off when I post poems not because I don't want to hear what anyone has to say about my poetry so much as for esthetic reasons - I hate getting to the end and seeing (comment on this) just hanging there in space...
People are welcome to comment on the poems, by all means.