June 28th, 2011


the cat-furniture speaks

Thought I'd stick my nose out of the tent for an update. (I think I am horribly mangling some reference there, but that's what you get.)

Enjoying being a Useful Bear helping shelly_rae move, repaying some of the massive karmic debt I have incurred from folks helping me in my past moves. Stairs are good exercise, except for my knee, which has been complaining; so I try to stick to non-stairs help. Have made many cool new acquaintances. There have been threats of future karaoke! It's good, and progress toward my goal of spending time with people.

It means I have been way more social and more physically active than I have for a while, and it's interesting to feel the difference in types of tired I get between meds-related fatigue, introversion-related interaction fatigue, and just plain physical fatigue. I'm still learning to catch the signs for all of them, really, though I'm most familiar with the second.

Being able to help feels really good, helps support the idea that my life is meaningful. Meaningful especially in ways beyond moving electronic ones-and-zeros between giant corporate accounts as I tick through time collecting money for my existence from one faceless conglomerate and sending it off to others. That's a process that doesn't really seem to need me, or at least the part of me I value, the me-ness of me, to continue: ACH puts the pension money in the bank, bank sends the rent/bills/etc. money to the places it is owed so I can continue to physically occupy space in some semblance of health. Any uniqueness of me stands mostly to get in the way, there.

So I value places in my life where my me-ness is valued.

Reading this sounds grimmer than I had meant to be, because I'm feeling good right now. So I'll quit while I'm ahead. I'm headed into the sun, and I'm smiling.