June 23rd, 2011


money and guilt

The one good thing about being in a financial space where all my money is spoken for is: I can ignore pleas for money without my usual guilt. I don't have to even try to evaluate if coupon/Groupon/sale offers are a good deal; it's just a categorical no. Spare change for someone on the street? As much as I'd like to help, all the spare change I have at the moment gets saved up for the odd bus fare or cup of coffee, so it isn't really spare, alas. It always gets used before the month is over.

I hope other people can donate to the library, because I use it a lot. But I can't. I'd like to see Neil Gaiman read, but I've already used that $5 for medication. I'm still getting used to not having enough cash on hand to casually agree to going for coffee or lunch, but so far my generous friends have understood when I've asked them to buy, even after the fact. That's the hardest part: remembering I have to say 'no' or request charity for valued social interactions.

But it's nice to just automatically ignore advertising and solicitations as not-for-me. If I don't have to mentally acknowledge it, it's easier to be grateful what I have without feeling deprived.