April 22nd, 2006

pencil

out of the comments, into the dawn

I got my official rejection letter from Clarion West yesterday afternoon. I think next year I will stay off the forums, as reading them at times made it nail-bitingly tense as people who'd gotten acceptances sounded off. There are only the eighteen available slots; as the congratulations fly back and forth the rest of us are busily counting with one eye cocked toward the ceiling while the seats fill up.

On the other hand, being on the forums and having an ear to the ground regarding timing made it less of a blow when the rejection did arrive: I was 97% certain by Wednesday I hadn't made the cut, so the letter was merely ratification of what I already knew.

I have found the mathematics of bulletin boards being somewhat like that of rats: for every one poster you see, there are 5-7 lurkers and roughly the same number of people involved who don't even frequent the venue. Thus by the time eight class members have piped up or been accounted for on the forum, the other ten probably know who they are; the rest of the applicant pool are either wait-listed or declined.

As I said there, I came from a graduating class with four valedictorians, where my 3.89 GPA earned me the standing of fifteenth. That same GPA, had I graduated a year earlier, would have easily given me the top honors. I'm used to being an also-ran in a field of virulent over-achievers; it is still disappointing, but I have come to see it as a matter of timing - or say, finding the proper sized pond - than anything personal.

Which is a good thing, considering the fleet of personal issues usually pursuing me.