May 14th, 2011
|10:14 am - Why I (try to) share.|
I always feel guilty posting about my depression/alcoholism/hip/knees/health-issue-of-the week. This is odd, since there are plenty of things in my life that I feel abnormally un-guilty about, based on statistical experience. The main things that come to mind are not wanting to be boring, and from wanting to be seen as a healthy, worthwhile individual rather than increasingly damaged goods.
So why go ahead and do it, either in terms so deliberately vague as to be laughable, or under rare circumstances of courage flat-out calling it what it is? Because it does help me feel better. Lancing a boil, if you like. Just having said something seems to make a small difference.
Also because I'm fishing for support. Or asking for it now, I guess.
This is amazingly difficult for me. Practice has not made it easier. I am so tired of this. When, exactly, does it get better?
The longer it takes, the more damaged and unraveled I feel.
The great thing about rehab or being in hospital is they take care of you. But once I'm back in the real world, the pseudo-mom is gone.
I seem to be living my life backwards.
Everyone has their own lives and issues, I know. So thanks for listening.
|Date:||May 15th, 2011 04:19 pm (UTC)|| |
I never know what to say but I'm always willing to listen.
Sharing experiences/thoughts/feelings is one of the core parts of being human.
I tend to think you should call things what they are, rather than sitting in silence. I honestly believe that naming things can give you power over them in some hand-wavy metaphysical way. I also think it will do you good to be a bit selfish in your LiveJournaling and think about what you want and need, rather than trying to make yourself the least potential bother to others.